drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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