Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This baby is an asshole
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
