Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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