It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
