YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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