i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
