my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
