hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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