there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
