I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
