You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
