i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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