Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
