my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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