obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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