1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
