dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
