I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
