her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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