I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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