I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm passing your future prison.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize