Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize