and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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