She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
