She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
