So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
