i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
