Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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