i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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