The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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