i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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