Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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