craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
