We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
