My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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