You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
