Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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