dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
