oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
