Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
