I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
