He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize