Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
