I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
