I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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