if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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