Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize