U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
