im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
