I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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