Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
