I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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