I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
