Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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