dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
