Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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