i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
