She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
