I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
