if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
