I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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