escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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