According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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