i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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