Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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