He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
