i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
