OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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