He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize