All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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