Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize