I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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