i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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