Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
