I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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