Midget sex pt 2 tonight
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
