Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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