Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
