Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
