I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize