i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
