I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
