benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
