How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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