She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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