I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
