i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
