Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
