Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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