OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I had to cum in my sink.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
