'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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