Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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