He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
