walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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