So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
