you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize