Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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