Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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