For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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