im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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