I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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