Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
