btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
