I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
