It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
