so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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