So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
